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Post by f0n9 on Nov 4, 2006 12:55:15 GMT -6
Ari and I decided that, since several of you (incorrectly) think that you're not ready for Advanced RPing, we'd start a remedial RPing "class" of sorts. We have two goals for this class.
1) Boost your confidence in your own skill as an RPer. 2) Help you correct any issues you have that might stand in your way to being an Advanced RPer.
The Remedial RP is set in a coliseum, similar to the coliseum in Meltokio. No signup is required, and you can use any character you want at any time you want. Feel free to blink in and out of existence at any time.
The only criterion for posts (so we can give accurate advice) is that each post must be at least five sentences long.
Feel free to practice roleplaying in the Coliseum Lobby, or practice RP combat in the Arena. Just let us know what you're doing before you do it.
Begin!
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Post by Arynielle Fallyce on Nov 4, 2006 13:26:56 GMT -6
The chatter of the lobby reached Arynielle's ears as she parted the curtain with her rod, taking a small step inside of the room. Various warriors often came here to prove their skills. For a small price, they could be pitted against people who claim to be the strongest fighters and other monsters. Those who succeeded in winning could earn handsome prizes in both gold and rare items. It seemed like everyone who dared to fight today were determined and would do whatever they could to go home with the best prize.
Ari's leather moccasins padded across the carpeted floor silently, carrying her to the information desk. Honestly, she cared nothing of the luxuries that could be won-- she was here for a single gem. The crimson-red ruby could be used in advanced alchemy and melted down as a vital ingredient for a healing potion. It was exactly what Ari needed, and she would do anything to get it.
The half-elf reached the registration desk. A short woman probably in her early 40's stood there, sorting out various scrolls and occasionally making a few, dark marks with a quill pen. She wore thickly-framed glasses and her red hair was secured in a tight bun behind her head. A yellow dress outlined her figure, giving the secretary a fresh and interesting look. She had delicate hands and seemed graceful with her every move. Ari tilted her head to the side in curiousity and cleared her throat. "Excuse me... miss?"
The secretary held up her index finger, signalling Ari to wait for a few seconds. After a bit of fidgeting on Ari's part, the secretary scribbled something on a piece of paper and looked up at the guest. "How may I help you?" she asked, giving her full attention to the half-elf.
"I would like to know..." Arynielle started. "Is there any way for me to purchase that stone you have in the display case over there?" She nodded towards said glass case.
The woman blinked in surprise, tucking a few stray bangs behind her ear. Straightening her outfit, she replied, "I'm afraid not. You'll have to register for the next tournament to win that prize."
"Very well. Sign me up."
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Post by Aleu on Nov 6, 2006 17:09:35 GMT -6
Kapu parted the red velvet curtains with a hand. The lobby wasn't very impressive: it featured stonework walls, a thick crimson carpet, and a low ceiling. To the right of the entrance was the registrar secretary, who was in the middle of registration for a half-elf girl with a rod. The other secretary at the opposite end of the room beckoned to him with a manicured hand.
Kapu poshed his way across the thick carpet, trying to get used to the feeling of his boots sinking into the fabric with every step. The secretary looked a good ten years younger than her co-worker, with brown hair streaked with blonde highlights. Her dress was plain, but clean; a white tunic with a brown vest, and a long white skirt. She eyed Whirr, the giant metal war fan on his back, with some skepticism, then slid a registration form towards him.
"Fill this out, please, and return it to me when you finish." Kapu took the pen she offered, and began filling out the boxes slowly. His reading/writing skills weren't that strong.
"... Team? You can do this in teams...?" Serene was out with Aleu, fishing, so Kapu was alone... but a team match would really even out the odds, and it wasn't as if he was here for any of the prizes. A bit of cash would be nice, but none of the other treasures particularly interested him.
"Hey," he said, approaching Ari. "Want to team up?"
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Post by Arynielle Fallyce on Nov 6, 2006 18:55:05 GMT -6
((I'm assuming they already know each other, cause Kapu met Ari in, like, five other RP's and I'm sick of rping the introductions. )) "Kapu! I haven't see you in ages!" Ari grinned, finishing up her own registration form with a flourishy signature and turning towards her friend. "Where's Aleu?" She was surprised; it was an extremely rare occasion that Kapu traveled without his sister. Since they had first met, the two of them had always been together-- to see one without the other was a strange feat. "I was actually planning on fighting alone..." the half-elf blinked at the offer, her mind still set on getting that ruby. "But I suppose it'll be easier with two of us." Her facial expression melted into a smile. "Sure thing! Knowing you, you're here for the cash. As long as I get that gem up there--" She pointed at said jewel. "--I'm all for fighting together!"
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Post by f0n9 on Nov 6, 2006 23:13:54 GMT -6
"Then please enter the Arena," replies a deep voice from behind.
The voice's owner, one Turen Darast, cut an imposing figure at 8'11. The tough, armorlike scales that covered his body certainly helped in the imposing department, as did the gargantuan waraxe he held in his claws. A pair of massive, batlike wings jutted through the back of his outfit, absently fluffing the air with a mind of their own.
"...here." The dragonkin produces a roll of papers from a leather pocketbelt he wore like a sash, handing said roll to the secretary with visible disgust. "...I hate paperwork..." he mutters to himself, before turning back to the two entrants.
"You both are entering as one team?" he inquires, sizing the two up. He swings his axe back over his shoulder; both hilt and blade make a satisfying CHUNK as they snap into the clamps on his back. "I will be your moderator, then. All entrants, team or individual, must be moderated as a precaution against unfair fighting."
"...Of course, you will not be fighting unfairly, will you?" He flashes them a purposefully toothy smile, revealing rows upon rows of sharpened teeth. A predatory smile. "I would hate to have to... ask you, to stop," he continues, patting the hilt of his axe in a meaningful manner.
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Post by Omio on Nov 7, 2006 14:33:39 GMT -6
Omio was behind both Ari and Kapu. Without Aleu. He overheard the part "Where's Aleu?" He thought. That is odd... Usually, Kapu's stuck to Aleu like glue. Myeh, he's going with someone, so I guess I'm ruled out of joining them. He wandered to the individual desk since Ari and Kapu were going to the Team Tournament desk. "I think I'll apply for the Advanced Individual tournament."
Without even looking at the contract, he could name everything off of it. He signed where needed with ease, knew what to do, and what not to do. "With so many towns and tournaments, entries are something that I know how to do." He snickered. "I've made more than 300 applications, so this is familiar." Although all of them were 'beginner' so he could see all of the coliseum minimums.
"I'm aware that I'm not to use items..." He dropped 1 bag beside the counter. "...Nor extra equipment." Yet 1 more bag, containing about 10 spare pieces of equipment. "...Neither spells." He tossed 1 scroll among the 2 bags. It rolled back to his feet. Urg.. Stupid scroll... It's a wonder I haven't burned the thing yet. he picked it up, and tossed it on to the bags. It stayed put this time. Good. He only had 1 question left.
"Who might be my moderator?" It was a required question, so nothing could complain. Except Omio himself, but that was needless to say.
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Post by Whisper Shadowlight on Nov 7, 2006 15:16:09 GMT -6
Whisper saw everyone standing and walked in. What's going on around here? he thought, I've been through alot, how did I ever end up here anyway? He wandered around the people, while they were talking and he overheard a little.
"A little question, what are the rules of this tournament? As I hear from this guy," Whisper pointed at Omio, "items aren't allowed nor are spells. What if magicians would join the tournament?" Whisper asked confused.
"Also, are pets or anything allowed? Oh, wait, just all the rules and requirements for this tournament, and I think I'll be in it." Whisper said with a smile, and if so, who will be my moderator? Still, my first wonder would be the rules.
"Also, axes are counted as equipment? If so, it sounds like a hand-to-hand tournament, or are we wrestling? Hahahahah," Whisper laughed, "sorry, but I just got here and haven't seen anything yet about this tournament."
Whisper wandered a bit throught the people while talking and thinking, when will this tournament start actually?
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Post by f0n9 on Nov 7, 2006 16:17:07 GMT -6
"There is no set tournament," the blonde behind the counter replied, absently twirling a lock of hair. "Each victory you have, you receive a medal. Medals can be redeemed for better medals, better medals can be redeemed for prizes... you get the picture. There's a new fight started every ten minutes."
"As for equipment," the dragonkin added, "there is no restriction on equipment. Of any form. Magickers are permitted, as long as you use no area of effect spells that could harm the audience or your moderator. Other than that we have no restrictions, with the exception of instant-death spells, weapon effects, and items, such as the Soulwrench Gauntlet. They're... unsporting."
As Turen finishes, the curtain parts to admit another figure. Her tail swishes behind her as her feline stride carries her quickly through the crowd to the desk. She hands a scroll of papers over to the desk attendant before, ears perked, she turns to Whisper.
"I'm Sera Mordenkain," she introduces herself, bowing with catlike grace. "I'll be your moderator during your stay here. Do you have any questions?"
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Post by Tisç Shadowlight on Nov 8, 2006 11:02:48 GMT -6
A boy walked in, without saying a word he ran through the people, pushing some aside and he looked like looking for something or someone, he ran around like a madman and ignored everyone in the room.
Then he said: "where the heck is she?" as he was looking for a girl or something. He kept running around and around the room, then turned around and asked: "you seen a girl with green hair around here?"
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Post by Omio on Nov 8, 2006 13:25:51 GMT -6
"Also, axes are counted as equipment? If so, it sounds like a hand-to-hand tournament, or are we wrestling? Hahahahah," "I brought over 15 pieces of armor, and you're only allowed to use 1 set. Although you can have as many accessories as you may want to wear." A boy walked in, without saying a word he ran through the people, pushing some aside and he looked like he was looking for something or someone, he ran around like a madman and ignored everyone in the room. Then he said: "where the heck is she?" as he was looking for a girl or something. He kept running around and around the room, then turned around and asked: "you seen a girl with green hair around here?" "Me? No. I haven't seen anyone of the such."
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Post by Aleu on Nov 8, 2006 18:46:00 GMT -6
"No sir," Kapu said, looking up to meet Turen's eyes, then turning to Ari.
He gave her a hug. "She's fishing, if you can believe it. Serene left with her this morning. Come on, time's a-wasting~♫" Kapu seemed unnaturally upbeat. He walked with a certain spring in his step, probably either because of the overly fluffy carpet, or the fact that Aleu wasn't there to put heavy weights on his shoulders. Or a combination of the two.
"And as for the gem," Kapu said, lifting Whirr and holding it loosely in a hand. "Depends on how much it's worth." He grinned evilly at her, then stuck out his tongue. "You know me better than that."
The arena was circular, with raised tiers of seats looping around the enclosure. Large gates stood at either end, with a few miscellaneous portcullises set into the walls. The ground was made of hard-packed dirt, covered over with a thin layer of sand (to make cleaning the blood easier, Kapu remembered, blanching). There was no ceiling; it opened up to the clear, sunny day, with a couple puffy clouds floating by.
He shielded his eyes. "So... Seeing as I'm more of an up-close, in your face kind of guy..." Kapu wasn't, but Teacher had made him into one during the three-month Whirr-training period. "How about you stay back and keep me alive?"
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Post by f0n9 on Nov 8, 2006 18:56:02 GMT -6
"You have a choice, warriors." Turen had immediately taken to the air, drifting overhead like a massive sentinel. "Your first battle is always your choice. Do you wish to face one strong foe, or several organized ones?" He indicates two locked gates to the south end of the Arena.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Sera turns to the little boy, concern evident in her eyes. "Green hair? I haven't... let me ask the secretary."
The secretary in question was already hard at work going through the paperwork, looking for a girl with green hair. "...nope," she sighs exasperatedly. "We've only had one girl with green hair register, and that was hours ago. I doubt there's a relationship."
"Sorry, little guy," the catgirl informs the kid. "No luck. What's this girl's name?"
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Post by Arynielle Fallyce on Nov 8, 2006 21:29:05 GMT -6
OOC: Yay, I get to critique. The length is great and the fluency is fine, but I'm having problems believing what Omio can do from a more realistic point of view. Three-hundred applications seems like a stretch. Unless he's an old soldier (which I doubt he is), three-hundred tournaments in such a short amount of time is pretty unbelievable... Assuming that Omio's an amazing fighter, and that he enters in a tournament once a week, it'd still take him about 6 years to get 300 applications. Also, the post gave hint that your character travels a lot. If he does travel around for most of his life, it'd be hard to enter in a tournament, since it's mostly the large cities that host them. One more thing: ten pieces of equipment seems a bit much to carry, especially for a lone traveler. Even if he had a steed of some sort to help him, the horse would be outside and not inside the registration room. "Also, axes are counted as equipment? If so, it sounds like a hand-to-hand tournament, or are we wrestling? Hahahahah," "I brought over 15 pieces of armor, and you're only allowed to use 1 set. Although you can have as many accessories as you may want to wear." A boy walked in, without saying a word he ran through the people, pushing some aside and he looked like he was looking for something or someone, he ran around like a madman and ignored everyone in the room. Then he said: "where the heck is she?" as he was looking for a girl or something. He kept running around and around the room, then turned around and asked: "you seen a girl with green hair around here?" "Me? No. I haven't seen anyone of the such." This post feels a bit forced. Yes, you did write five sentences, but they were all somewhat choppy. I understand that it might simply be the way your character speaks, but you really should add something more other than just dialogue. Not only do the fifteen pieces of armor clash with your previous claim of "ten spare pieces of equipment," it's also unconvincing and unrealistic. No one would carry so many weapons around with him, especially if he travels a lot. -------------------------------------- A boy walked in, without saying a word he ran through the people, pushing some aside and he looked like looking for something or someone, he ran around like a madman and ignored everyone in the room. Then he said: "where the heck is she?" as he was looking for a girl or something. He kept running around and around the room, then turned around and asked: "you seen a girl with green hair around here?" First of all, this post is a tad short but definitely fixable. You have run-on sentences. All you have to do is simply divide them up into less ramblish sentences and you're good! Grammar is fixed rather easily, so I won't linger on that idea for too long. I noticed that you use a lot of vague terms such as "someone" or "something." Try to get rid of those. Depending on what your preferences are, your writing style may be flourishy and brilliant, or clear, descriptive and concise. Whichever floats your boat. Either way, vague terms aren't going to make others gape at your writing in amazement. Try to replace those words with more precise definitions. Even words, such as "walked" can be replaced with more concise words such as "strode" or "trotted" or "skipped." Once thing I found really good was the end of the first paragraph. You used the metaphor "he ran around like a madman," which added depth to the sentence. Comparisons are always welcome because they provide something the reader can relate with. ...just don't overdo it. This post could use a bit of work, but there's certainly room for improvement. Keep on trying and good luck! ---------------------------------- "Aleu? Fishing? Um..." Ari slipped out of Kapu's friendly embrace. "Well, I suppose I can believe it... just don't let her cook any of it if you like fish for dinner." She clicked her tongue, looking up at the gem again. It's radiance was shown in full splendor everytime a ray of light reflected upon its many facets. The half-elf needed that jewel desperately. At first, she was surprised at Kapu's comment on the ruby, but her confused expression quickly faded as he continued with a teasing sticking-of-the-tongue. Ari rolled her eyes. "It's not like I expected anything less," she replied. With that said, the two entered the circular arena, only to be greeted by a roaring audience. The crowd seemed cheerful; bets were made and hats were thrown, even a whistle or two could be heard. "So... Seeing as I'm more of an up-close, in your face kind of guy... How about you stay back and keep me alive?"It sounded like a good plan. Ari played more of a supportive role when fighting-- she was rather fast, but lacked the strength to strike a solid blow heavy enough to shake her opponent. Staying a bit in the back healing and occasionally attacking from afar with her magic spells was an idea strategy. She nodded and turned to face Turen. "One strong guy," she said, sure of herself. It was the only way Kapu's plan would work. "Is that alright, Kapu?"
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Post by Aleu on Nov 9, 2006 7:12:10 GMT -6
((Omio : Not to mention it's generally accepted to type numbers smaller than a hundred in word format instead of like "10."
Ari : Silly, Turen's up there *points* xD))
"Mm... Alrighty, but Aleu's better at that than I am. Mob control is more of my forte. A big one, please," Kapu called up to Turen. He lifted Whirr to shield his eyes as the right port slid open. The gate was slightly aged: there were spots of rust and numerous dents, but the metalwork was still solid.
His heartbeat picking up pace as adrenaline pumped through his body, Kapu dropped Whirr into the ready stance: long handle in his right hand, tip of the four-and-a-half foot long blades pressing into the sand. He bent his knees slightly, and pressed a thumb to the side of the handle, ready to spring his weapon open at the first indication of the beast.
His other hand was busy readying a spell. Teacher could beat some things out of him, but Kapu's natural affinity for magic had clung to him like a pointy, clingy thing.
((Hah! Beat that simile! XD))
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Post by Whisper Shadowlight on Nov 9, 2006 10:20:23 GMT -6
"There is no set tournament," the blonde behind the counter replied, absently twirling a lock of hair. "Each victory you have, you receive a medal. Medals can be redeemed for better medals, better medals can be redeemed for prizes... you get the picture. There's a new fight started every ten minutes." "As for equipment," the dragonkin added, "there is no restriction on equipment. Of any form. Magickers are permitted, as long as you use no area of effect spells that could harm the audience or your moderator. Other than that we have no restrictions, with the exception of instant-death spells, weapon effects, and items, such as the Soulwrench Gauntlet. They're... unsporting." "I'm Sera Mordenkain," she introduces herself, bowing with catlike grace. "I'll be your moderator during your stay here. Do you have any questions?" "Well, hello, I'm Whisper Shadowlight," Whisper said confused, "every ten minutes, well, that's quick, what if someone's still hurt?" Whisper said, pressing his hand to his mouth, "also, are archers allowed to enter the tournament? Because I'm an archer." Then he said: "where the heck is she?" as he was looking for a girl or something. He kept running around and around the room, then turned around and asked: "you seen a girl with green hair around here?" "Well, sorry, but I haven't seen such girl," Whisper said confused to the boy. "I brought over 15 pieces of armor, and you're only allowed to use 1 set. Although you can have as many accessories as you may want to wear." "Oh, okay, I understand that," Whisper said smiling sadly.
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